Thursday, December 30, 2010

Walking into a movie theater is scary

I'm not about to address the theaters themselves, but the lobbies and hallways. First off: other people. Raise your hand if you've had enough of that.

Also, there is a whole lot of popcorn on the ground and, if you walk next to my brother, you'll get an exhibition of what is known as the "Theater Shuffle." Which can double as a break dancing move, but only if you want to get beat up.

But that's not the point here, I'm going to describe to you why a theater I entered yesterday was scary.

My family was seeing, as a group, Voyage of the Dawn Treader, and as my Dad was buying the tickets, the remaining four of us walked into the lobby. I immediately noticed two separate movie posters, not next to each other in any way.

Okay, Thor. Or, more realistically: THOR! Black around him, turned away from the viewer. He's a brooder. Nice chain mail, too. But then, on the other side of the lobby, is this:

Yes it's Daniel Craig
This seems like when I'd lean to the person next to me in art class and copy what she (usually) was drawing. I mean, I know It's supposed to be edgy, but they, poster designers, are clearly running out of ideas.

But, unoriginality in movies is something that you have to deal with, so I moved on. The next poster that I took in made me face palm.

Don't get me wrong, I'm excited for this movie. But if your movie's title makes people laugh a little and then groan a lot you've done something wrong.

Update: The name of this movie is actually Kung Fu Panda 2. Not original, but at least it isn't Ska2oosh.

But nothing too bad, right? Well, imagine turning the corner and running into a giant 3-D version of this:

Yes, that's a real thing. And yes, we saw a preview for it. And yes, it looked just as good as it does here. What with the purple and whatnot.

I enjoy movies. Really I do. And when I see copy-cat posters, headache-inducing pun titles, and giant billboards angled towards girls between the ages of 12 and 12, I just want to go home, close the shades, and watch a back-to-back-to-back marathon of "Shawshank Redemption."

Well it's all out of my system now, and, because of good ol' Biebs up there I-

What? You're kidding me. That's not a real's a cracked article...right? Please?

Sigh. As I was saying, because I had to save a picture of Justin Bieber, this is going to happen: